Secrets
by falcon-121
Summary: A case in Seattle reveals JJ's dark past. My first crossover.
1. Prologue: Thoughts 1

**AN: I've been fighting the urge to start writing this one before I finished Lost Files, but my will power is apparently weak. This is the first chapter to an idea that I've been holding on to for a while. This is my first ever crossover, and it will involve a heavy dose of Criminal Minds with a dash of Higher Ground. This will most likely be a two-part fic, with the first part focusing on the case and the second part on the aftermath. Since A.J. Cook is the only person to star in both shows, the fic will center around her characters. To all the CM fans that read my fics, but haven't seen Higher Ground, please don't worry. I plan on explaining the relevant parts of HG as the fic progresses (mostly in Part II), and my inbox is always open if you have questions. Please feel free to read and review! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground. I do not have a beta, so all mistakes are my own.**

_I once read a fortune cookie that read "Learn from the mistakes of the past, lest you make the same mistakes again." Had the man who wrote this knew that someone like me would receive it, he would have probably changed his tone to something along the lines of "Run like hell away from the past." And it would have been sound advice, too. Running saved my life on multiple occasions. It helped me escape my demons, helped me earn a scholarship on the soccer field, and even got me a job with the FBI. Running was familiar and it was something that I was damn good at. Running was easier than facing it, easier than talking about it, and definitely easier than fighting over it. Running never failed me, and if someone ever gets too close to stirring up my past, you can bet your life that I'll take off again._


	2. Chapter 1

**AN: I plan on including introspective pieces from JJ's perspective (like the prologue) throughout the fic. They will make more and more sense as the story continues and more is revealed. This chapter, however, is where the real plot begins. I know that the prologue was short, and this chapter is going to be short, too. Sorry about that, I promise it will pick up in the next few chapters (and hopefully the word count will increase with it). *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

_"If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future." ~Winston Churchill_

Jennifer Jareau had a tough decision to make as she stared at a gruesome crime scene photo. Four women had been found dead in Seattle over the past three months. All four women were attractive brunettes, ranging in age from late twenties to early thirties.

JJ felt that she had a devil perched on one shoulder and an angel on the other. The angel told her to take the case because these women needed help; the devil urged her to pick another case because she hated Seattle. She hated the entire Pacific Northwest, to be precise. She blamed her dislike of Seattle on the weather and what she called a gloomy atmosphere, but the team had never really bought that. They left it alone because she had never let her feelings cloud her professional judgment.

Today was no exception. She closed the file, stood up with it, and walked out of her office. She found Hotch in his office, notified him about the case, and made her way to the conference room to prepare for her role in the briefing.

**AN:** **I don't know when the next time I'll update this one is. I have a large case load right now, with two other fics that are incomplete (Lost Files clearly being my top priority). However, I do look forward to working more on this one, and I hope that you all continue to read it when I do.**


	3. Chapter 2

**AN: Something that I forgot to mention earlier is that, since this fic is a crossover, I will be changing or ignoring some details from the shows. For example, JJ is single and childless in this story. Also, Hotch is still the Unit Chief, despite the recent change in leadership on the show. There will probably be some other small changes for the sake of the plot, but we'll worry about those later. Thank you to all who have read and reviewed so far! The support means a lot to me. *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

The team filed into the conference room and took their usual seats. Hotch nodded, signaling JJ to begin.

"Four women in Seattle have been murdered in the past three months," she began. She pretended not to notice the slight looks of surprise from her colleagues at the mention of Seattle. Hotch, of course, had a face of stone.

"All of them were brunettes in their twenties and thirties. They were raped, then strangled to death." She clicked the remote and pictures of all four victims' bodies were projected. Each scene looked similar; the pictures were gruesome to say the least. No one flinched. They had all seen worse. JJ continued.

"Results from the autopsies show that each one was strangled bare-handed. There was DNA found on each victim, but unfortunately there wasn't a match in any of the databases." She clicked again, and a picture of the first victim appeared on the screen. She was with a man and a little girl, probably about four at most. All smiles, much different than the grisly crime scene photos.

"Elizabeth McPherson," JJ said, "She was a 28 year-old school teacher. The other two in the picture are her husband and her three-year-old daughter." Another click, another picture. This one was of the second victim, Susan Moore. This picture appeared to be set at her office; she was sporting a gray business jacket and a professional smile. The details of Susan and the final two victims, Destiny Keane and Natasha Harrison, were all similar to Elizabeth's.

"One thing that I noticed was that all of the victims were looking after at least one child."

"So they were all mothers," Emily asked.

"I think guardians would be more accurate," JJ said, "Elizabeth and Destiny were the biological mothers of their children, but Susan was a step-mother and Natasha's child was adopted."

Hotch nodded his head again, signifying this time that he agreed with JJ's selection.

"Seattle it is," he said, "Wheels up in twenty."

The team took that as a dismissal. They all stood and departed the room to grab their go-bags. All of them except JJ. She was still looking at the last picture on the screen. Young, brunette, attractive, from Seattle. It all reminded JJ of something, but she couldn't put her finger on it. Hotch, who had been the last to leave the room, noticed that she had lagged behind. He poked his head back into the room to check on her.

"You ok," he asked.

Silence.

"JJ?"

"Huh," she said softly. Hotch hadn't seen her that zoned out in a long time. He tried again.

"You ok?"

"Oh, yeah. Fine," JJ said. She turned off the projector, picked up her file and walked towards the door. Hotch blocked it.

"I don't buy that for a second," he said. She sighed, but she was too stubborn to talk to him.

"I'm fine, Hotch. Little tired, maybe, but that's it. Now may I please go out to get my stuff?"

Hotch reluctantly moved over to let her out, and she wasted no time getting back to her office. He made a mental note to keep an eye on her as she rushed by the agents in the bullpen. Twenty minutes later, the team was getting comfortable in their seats as the jet took off. Next stop: Seattle.


	4. Thoughts 2

**AN: Time for some more introspection. This chapter begins near the end of the flight. *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

_I picked a window seat away from the rest of the team when I boarded the jet. Nothing personal, I just didn't want to deal with Hotch. I know that he is just concerned, but he has nothing to be concerned about. He wouldn't have said anything if I had sat with the team, he just would have continued to look at me, thinking that I wouldn't notice. With me sitting behind him, he wouldn't even try to flash a glance. Hard to profile a person that you can't see or hear. I'm sure he is frustrated with this, but he'll get over it. Besides, he has a case to focus on just like everyone else. _

_I turn my head to look out the window and there it is. Home sweet home. Hell, I can't even say that with a straight face. I check to make sure that no one is studying me. I'm sure they are all picking apart why I'm sitting alone in their heads, but they appear to be discussing the case. I'll have them profile a killer before me any day of the week. I try to hide a frown as we start descending to the airport. _

_They know that I hate Seattle. They don't even have to ask and I don't have to tell them, they just know. What they don't know is why I hate Seattle. And they never will know if I have anything to say about it. Seattle is where it all began. All the trouble, all the pain. Everything that I thought I had left behind is shoved right back in my face when I visit Seattle. _

_So why am I here again? Why did I pick this case? Why didn't I request that I stay in the cubby with Garcia and let the team handle the rest? I can't even answer any of these questions for myself. What I do know is that I have a bad feeling about this one... a very bad feeling._


	5. Chapter 3

**AN: Geez, I'm never going to be able to pull myself back to Lost Files. Ah well, I guess it can wait (this one is proving much more fun to write, anyway). Time to get the case kicked off! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

Katherine Sullivan hadn't been a detective for long, yet she was already showing signs of age. Her face had a few wrinkles and she had to color her hair to hide the stray gray hairs that occasionally popped up. She wasn't old by any means, she was only in her mid-thirties. It wasn't age that was altering her appearance, but stress. That's what hunting a serial killer will do to you. She looked up from a case file as she heard a knock on her office door.

"Come in," she said.

The door opened and Jason Frost entered. Frost had been her right-hand man since her promotion about a year back. He stared at her with his brown eyes. He had those kind of eyes that seemed to pierce right through you.

"The agents from the BAU just arrived," he said. Good old Frost. Always making sure that she was where she needed to be. He knew better than anyone how oblivious she could be when she had a case on her hands.

"Thanks, I'll be right out," Sullivan said. She took one final look at the file, flipped it shut, and headed out to the bullpen. A blonde approached her with an outstretched hand.

"Agent Jareau, I presume," she said, shaking her hand.

"Yes, but please call me JJ." JJ introduced the team, then took a step back so that Hotch could take command.

"What's the first thing you need," Sullivan asked.

"We prefer to focus on victimology," Hotch answered, "The more we know about the Unsub's victims, the better chance we have of getting inside his head and catching him."

Frost looked puzzled.

"Unsub?"

"Unknown subject," Morgan piped up, "The killer."

"Ok, we can question the husbands," Sullivan suggested, "They probably know these women the best."

"That's a good idea," Hotch agreed, "I'd also like to visit the crime scenes."

"The crime scenes are a bit old," Sullivan said, "I doubt you'll find anything useful."

It was Rossi's turn to talk.

"We like to visit the crime scene to kind of get the lay of the land," he said, "It helps us get a feel for the Unsub and his methods."

"Ok," she said with a nod, "Would you rather do that first?"

"Yes. If we find out enough there, we may be able to avoid bothering the families at all." Hotch knew that was most likely wishful thinking.

"I can have Frost here take some of your agents to the two on the west side of town, and I'll take you to the two on the north side."

"Sounds good," Hotch said, "Prentiss, Morgan, and Reid, if you would accompany Detective Frost." The three nodded and followed Frost out to his car, an unmarked Dodge Charger.

"The rest of us," Hotch said, gesturing towards Rossi and JJ, "will come with you, Detective."

"Please follow me," Sullivan said.


	6. Chapter 4

**AN: I made a mistake in Chapter 2 that I went ahead and corrected involving the case. I had originally said that the women were raped but that no trace was found. After thinking about it for a while, I realized how little that made sense. I changed it to DNA being found, but no match being found. Thanks for all of the wonderful reviews, I appreciate them! Now, to pick up where I left off. Little bit of language in this chapter and a description of one of the bodies, but I don't think it is too bad and it is necessary in my opinion. *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

"Elizabeth's body was found right over here," Sullivan said as she walked down a dark alley. The three agents followed her, with Hotch and Rossi absorbing every tiny detail of the scene. There was a pizza joint to the right, seafood to the left. The enticing aroma from the restaurants would have been enough to make JJ hungry anywhere else, but not in a dark alley in Seattle. Too many awful memories were coming back to her and the last thing she could think about was her stomach. They approached a dumpster, which is where Sullivan stopped and turned towards the agents.

"Like you saw in the crime scene photos," she said, "Elizabeth was dumped to the right of the dumpster, face-down. She was completely naked. The bastard didn't even have the decency to dress her at all before dumping her in this hellhole."

"He picks an alley," Rossi said, "A place where the body can be found in daylight, yet is inconspicuous enough to where he can dump it without being seen. He doesn't care if the body is found, but he doesn't want to be caught."

"He shows no remorse," Hotch pointed out, "He dumps the body like a piece of garbage. He is contemptuous of her, the thought of her disgusts him."

"Location doesn't seem to be a factor in any of his actions," Rossi said. "His victims are scattered all over the city, and he dumps them in different parts of the city, too."

"What does that tell us," Sullivan asked. Her green eyes, which had burned earlier, now took on a more inquisitive look. Hotch answered.

"For one thing, it shows that he doesn't have to be in a certain part of the city to feel comfortable. He can pick a victim or dump a body just as easily in the east side of town as he can in the west. He probably lives here, and he has probably lived here for a very long time. He knows the city like the back of his hand. It also shows that convenience isn't something that he considers while picking victims. He is more than willing to travel if it allows him to find the perfect one."

"His type is very specific," Rossi said, "It is more than just brunette women of a certain age with children. He picks these women for a reason. A reason that makes them different than anyone else to him. When we find out what that reason is, we'll be that much closer to catching him."

"Ok," Sullivan said, nodding, "The other crime scene is pretty much the same as this one. All four of them are alleys."

"Ok," Hotch said, "In that case, it would probably be a waste of time to visit it. I'm going to call Morgan and see how they are doing."

Sullivan nodded and Hotch walked over to the side with cell phone in hand. Rossi talked to the detective for a few minutes, but then noticed that JJ had been standing silently over to the side. She stared at a brick in the wall of the seafood restaurant, her blue eyes lacking their usual radiance. He approached her and put a hand on her shoulder. She cringed involuntarily at his touch, and he immediately took his hand off her.

"You ok, JJ," he asked. She looked up at him and stared into his eyes for a few seconds before answering. Her eyes were like sheer ice.

"I'm fine," she said. She wasn't. Her eyes said it all. He decided to press.

"If you want to ta--."

"I said I'm fine," she repeated, irritation clear in her voice this time. Rossi locked eyes with her again for a few seconds, then backed off. After all, he couldn't force her to talk. Hotch hung up his phone and filled in the group.

"Morgan and I agree that there isn't much else to find at the scenes," he said, "Let's go ahead and get back to the station."

Sullivan agreed and the four of them piled into her car for the ride back.


	7. Thoughts 3

**AN: Oh introspection, how I missed thee? I've been foreshadowing some of how I'm going to link this with HG, but I haven't really gotten there yet. This is just reflecting on the last chapter a bit, along with some possible foreshadowing. Once again, some more language that might be offensive, but it is definitely necessary this time (trust me, I have my reasons). Please keep in mind that this is JJ's point of view, not my own.**

_We finally leave that dirty alley and I take a few deep breaths as I sit in the backseat. I avoid looking at Rossi, who is to my left. Should I have snapped at him? Probably not. He was only showing concern. However, I knew how he could be. He was very good at prying his way into someone's personal life, and I wasn't going to let that happen. He was getting too close, so I shoved him away. Wasn't the first time, almost certainly won't be the last._

_I close my eyes and the image of the alley races back to my mind. Except for it isn't the same alley that we were just at. It is nighttime, probably sometime around nine. There are scantly clad women out on the street. They approach slow-moving vehicles, lean by their windows and ask the driver if they are "lookin' for a good time." Prostitutes. Whores. But the one that grabs my attention is a bit different. She has blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes. She is wearing high heels, a skirt that is way too short and a black tank top with an unzipped jacket. She would have been considered pretty had the streets not made her look so ragged. The saddest part is that she is clearly only fifteen at the most, if not younger. A black Cadillac stops next to her. She talks to the driver for a second, then hops in the passenger seat and they drive away._

_"JJ, wake up, we're at the station."_

_I open my eyes and am welcomed by the sight of Hotch, Rossi, and Sullivan all staring at me. Great. I drifted off during a relatively short drive. As if Hotch and Rossi weren't worried about me enough already. I sigh, thank Rossi for waking me, and get out of the car. This has already been a horrible start to the case, and I have a feeling it is going to get a whole lot worse. _


	8. Chapter 5

**AN: Two parts to this chapter. I'm going to start off with the team returning to the station. After that, I'm going to follow around the Unsub a bit (I'll put that in bold italics to make it easy to follow). Thanks so much for all the reviews; I'm shocked at how many I already have! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

Back at the station, the team brainstormed their next move. There was a lot to get done in a short amount of time.

"We could go visit the coroner while you meet with the families," Rossi suggested. He gestured toward Prentiss and Frost, implying that they would come with him. Hotch nodded his agreement.

"Ok," he said, "You can do that while Morgan and I visit the families. Detective Sullivan, would you mind accompanying us?"

"Not at all," she replied, "but what about your other agents?"

"Reid and JJ can stay here and continue working on the profile."

Sullivan looked down at her watch. It was 10:30 at night. She sighed.

"Sounds good," she said, "but we should hold off until tomorrow. Until then, let's have everyone try to get some rest."

Hotch nodded. They all wanted to keep working, but having exhausted crime-fighters wouldn't help anything. His team and the two detectives departed the station together, agreeing to meet there at eight the next morning before going their separate ways.

* * *

_**He crouched in the woods of her backyard, like a cat preparing to pounce on its prey. He was about as quick as a cat, but much more patient. He had watched her for over two weeks now. He saw her husband and kid inside, waiting for Mommy to put dinner on the table. He knew her routine, and he knew the prefect time to attack. Tomorrow would be her last day, and he planned on making it a living hell for her. Just like she had done to him so many times in the past.**_


	9. Thoughts 4

_I can't sleep. He won't leave me alone. The man that ruined my life. He won't get out of my head. I tell myself that he is dead. It doesn't help. He haunts me from the grave. When I close my eyes, all I see is what he did to me. Again and again. So I keep them open instead. _

_"He's dead," I tell myself._

_"Who," Emily asks._

_Shit. I didn't mean to say that out loud. Emily is rooming with me for the entire case, and I just opened a door for her to pester me with questions the whole time._

_"I thought you were asleep," I say. She sits up and turns on a light._

_"Nope," she said, "Who is dead?"_

_"I don't know what you are talking about."_

_Wow, Agent Jareau, is that really the best you've got? Clearly your lying skills are rusty. Emily gives me that skeptical look that she usually saves for Unsubs that won't talk. I counter with a look that says that I don't want to talk about it. She shrugs, turns off the light and lies back down. Emily Prentiss, Queen of Interrogation, is letting me off the hook? Pigs must be flying outside._

_I roll over and try to get a little more comfortable on what has to be the worst mattress money can buy. Trying to sleep is futile, but I'm too stubborn to give up on it completely. He's dead, but the horrors he caused are still very much alive._

**AN: Emily has her suspicions, but she's opting to give JJ some space for now. Please let me know what you think about both chapters.**


	10. Chapter 6

**AN: Sorry that this took a few days, but I've been a tad busy and haven't really had an idea for this chapter until now. I'm also sorry if it sucks. I'm kind of short on time and tired because it is already around 2:30 AM here. However, I want to go ahead and get this part down. Thanks for all the reviews, you guys are the best! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

The team and the detectives were preparing to depart the station the next morning when Hotch noticed something. It was JJ. She seemed slow, almost sluggish. She had awful bags under her eyes, which were a little blood-shot. Her hair was messy, as if she had barely ran a comb through it that morning. She looked tired, but that wasn't what concerned Hotch the most. He caught something in the glint of her blue eyes, but he didn't know what it was yet. He would need more information. He struggled to stop himself from profiling her. On one hand, the team had a sort of code. They agreed to try to stay out of each others business, that everyone had secrets and a need for privacy. On the other hand, JJ was an excellent agent and a friend, and he couldn't help but be concerned for her well-being. He pulled Prentiss off to the side for a moment. JJ, who was almost zombie-like, didn't even seem to notice.

"What's up," Prentiss asked.

"Did JJ tell you anything last night."

"Like what?"

"Anything personal. Or did she act strange in any way?"

Prentiss tried not to give away anything. She acted cool, didn't really give a reaction. She didn't want to lie to Hotch, but she definitely didn't want to talk about JJ behind her back. They were friends, and she felt that JJ deserved better than that.

"No," she said, "We got in the hotel and went to sleep."

"Did she have trouble sleeping?"

"Not that I know of, but I was asleep." Another lie. Hotch stared at her for a second. Maybe he thought he could break her, but she held strong. He nodded.

"Ok," he said, "But if you notice anything, please let me know." He started to walk off.

"Hotch." He turned back.

"What is going on?"

"Something is troubling her," he whispered, "I don't know what it is, but she's been struggling since we took this case. I just want to make sure that we keep an eye on her so that we can step in if she needs someone to lean on."

Prentiss nodded.

"Ok, I'll try to see what I can find out," she said.

"Hotch, Emily," Morgan called, "We're waiting on you!"

Neither agent had noticed that the others were ready. They rushed to the front doors of the station to accompany them.


	11. Thoughts 5

**AN: Another introspective chapter. JJ is spiraling a bit and she has just been thrown on poor Reid's shoulders, since the rest of the team has headed out. The next chapter will cover family and coroner visits, but this one is only focused on JJ and Reid. He's going to get verbally pummeled a bit, so sorry in advance to the Reid fans. *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

_Profiling with Reid first thing in the morning is a pleasure. Actually, scratch that, that's an understatement. It is an absolute party. I can't think of anything that I'd rather do than be stuck in the same room with Dr. Ramblesworth before I've even had my second cup of coffee. Oh, coffee. Clearly you are the only thing that is keeping me alive today. _

_Reid hands me a picture to pin up on the bulletin board. I look at it for a few seconds, then tack it up between two others. It is the third victim, Destiny Keane. She seems so familiar, but I just can't put my finger on it. It is probably nothing, anyway. There are plenty of attractive brunettes in the world. I shove it to the back of my mind. I have bigger fish to fry._

_"Our Unsub is a classic sexual sadist," Reid babbles excitedly. He gets like this sometimes, his voice gets all fast and high-pitched. Insane what the kid already knew, really. Sometimes I would show interest, but I'm not in the mood today. He's still talking, using a bunch of words that come straight out of the college textbooks. Blah blah blah... He is starting to give me a headache._

_"JJ?"_

_"What?" He caught me by surprise. He doesn't usually break off in the middle of one of his tangents unless someone silences him. Or maybe he was done and he asked me a question that I didn't answer in time. He's giving me that look. The concerned look. The one that Hotch, Rossi, and Emily have been giving me. As if they aren't bad enough, now boy wonder is on my case? _

_"Are you..."_

_"Yes, I'm listening," I interrupt. I'm trying to stay calm, but it really wouldn't be hard to strangle someone right now, and his neck is stick-like._

_"That wasn't what I was going to ask," he says. The look of concern only intensifies. Oh great. I know what's coming next._

_"Are you..."_

_"Yes, I'm fine," I shout. A little too quick, a little too loud. Ok, another understatement, it was definitely too loud. His eyes grow wide, but he keeps trying._

_"JJ," he begins, but I don't let him get any further._

_"No," I spit venomously, "I'm fine! C'mon, genius, I know you can understand that! Do I need to spell it out for you? F-I-N-E! Means ok or good! Got it?"_

_Reid simply nods his head. He looks completely shocked. I will regret hurting him like that later. I will feel bad and apologize to him. But for now, not killing him was good enough for me. He busies himself with the profile again, but I can't focus. I don't know how much longer I can hold them all off. They are bound to find out, only a matter of time. And then what?_

_I take a few deep breaths and sip my coffee. If they are going to find out, then they are going to find out. Doesn't mean that I have to make it easy on them by having another outburst. I take my time, building up the old walls and throwing all the emotion behind them. All the rage, the pain, the grief. I can't let it show, I can't let it out. I can't make the same mistake again. I calm myself, compartmentalize. Because that's what Jennifer Jareau does, that's what I do. Reid glances at me. I flash him a weak smile. Poor Spence, I'll have to make it up to him later. But for now, I have other things to worry about. _

**AN: Piled it on a little more than I thought I would, but I think this is about the right time for that. Everything is starting to build up on her, she is bound to breakdown a bit at times. Love it or hate it? Please let me know.**


	12. Chapter 7

**AN: I'm going to try to make this a longer chapter so that I can get some of the case stuff out of the way. I want the case in there and for it to be relevant, but I don't want it to be the main focus of the fic. Thanks for all of the reviews, this is already closing in on being my most reviewed story! I have all of you to thank for that, I really appreciate it! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground.**

Sullivan drove away from the Keane residence with a bit of a smirk starting to show on her face. They had already talked to three families, but they hadn't learned anything that they hadn't already knew. The detective was tired of being behind this killer, but she also knew that there must be a reason behind the profilers' methods.

"So, what do we know," she asked as she made a left turn.

"We know they were all successful women who appeared to have happy families," Hotch said, "We also know that they didn't have any obvious enemies. The husbands don't seem to think that anyone would want to kill them."

"We also know that each of these women had exactly one child," Morgan said, "It's all about the number. The Unsub doesn't seem to care whether the child is a girl or a boy or any other detail, as long as it's only one kid."

"What does that tell us?"

"It could have to do with why he kills," Morgan continued, "Clearly he is angry. People don't have this kind of rage pent-up inside them for no reason, there has to be something there. I'm assuming that our Unsub was abused in some way during the past. If he was abused by a woman, then it could explain his apparent hatred towards women. These particular women probably remind him of his abuser. By killing them, it would almost be like killing her over and over again."

"Why not just kill her and be done with it?"

"Because that would be rational," Hotch said, "Our Unsub has most likely had a mental breakdown and no longer thinks rationally. The abuse, especially if it was abuse during childhood, would already leave him in a fragile state mentally. But not fragile enough to kill. The killing started because of what we call a stressor, something to trigger the killing in the first place. This could be something as simple as being fired from work or being rejected by a lover, or it could be a catastrophic event."

"So if we can narrow down the stressor and match it up with when he started killing, we'll be closer to finding this son of a bitch?"

"Yes," Morgan confirmed, "Easier said than done, though."

They rode in silence for a few minutes. Hotch thought about the profile for a while, but his thoughts slowly shifted to Sullivan. He was impressed by the detective. She was still young, probably around Prentiss' age, but she brought a certain edge to the table. She was intelligent, as well. She asked the right questions at the right time. And her being attractive didn't hurt... though he'd never admit to thinking that. Always professional, Agent Hotchner.

"Sullivan," he said slowly, as if he was savoring the name. "Irish?"

She nodded her head.

"You only got it because of the red hair and green eyes," she countered.

Hotch's lips twitched into that half-smile of his.

"Perhaps..."

"My grandparents immigrated from Ireland to New York," she said, "The name was originally O'Sullivan, but they dropped the O along the way."

"How'd you end up here?"

"I saw a postcard once and decided that this was the place for me."

All three of them chuckled a bit. Sullivan's smirk was slowly starting to disappear, which was exactly what Hotch wanted. It was a high-stress job, and sometimes the frustration that came with it could wear on you if you thought about it too much. The conversation was short-lived as they pulled into the driveway of the Harrison residence. Sullivan sighed.

"Last one," she said, "Hopefully he'll know more than the other three." She turned off the engine and the group made their way to the door.

**AN: If you haven't noticed, I'm actually trying to develop the detectives a little bit for once (I usually introduce them once and then have them disappear until the arrest). No real reason behind it, but I figure that they should at least have some role in solving the case (and it is good practice if I ever decide to start using some OFCs). I planned on writing some Prentiss and Rossi today, as well as the interview of Mr. Harrison, but it is late, so I'm just going to end the chapter here and write these parts when I get the opportunity. Please review if you like, the feedback is definitely motivating!**


	13. Chapter 8

**AN: Sorry for the intermission, but nothing was coming to me. Thanks to everyone that has continued to read this, especially those of you that have decided to review! As always, I own neither show. Please let me know what you think, it helps me a lot. I'm going to try to make this a longer chapter to make up for my hiatus, so without further ado, Chapter 8.**

The morgue was never a pleasant place to visit. It was dank and dreary, and the smell of various chemicals clung to the air. However, when you worked with death as much as the BAU did, you became accustomed to it. The morgue in Seattle wasn't any different than any other morgue in the country. It was tucked away underground, a basement to the Seattle Police Department. However, the smile on the coroner's face as Frost introduced the two agents may have been considered uncommon.

"Nice to meet you," he said, shaking Rossi's hand, "I've read your books. Fascinating material."

"Thank you," Rossi said, "You examined all four of the victims from our case?"

"Yes," he said, leading the three towards the body drawers along the wall. He opened up one and pulled back the blanket that covered the body of Elizabeth McPherson. His smile was quickly replaced with a frown.

"Elizabeth was his first victim," he began, "She was a young school teacher with a family. She had a bright future. They all did."

"Are there any details that caught your eye," Prentiss asked.

"There are the basics," he said, "There were visible signs of rape. The Crime Scene Unit found DNA on each body, which is how they knew that the same man committed all four murders. However, they couldn't find a match. The cause of death was strangulation. He choked them. There were bruises the shape of his hands on each of their necks. However, no fingerprints."

"Anything else," Rossi pressed, "Any little detail could be significant."

"There was something that I found strange," he said, "Something that my assistant missed..."

"Your assistant," Prentiss asked.

"When the cases started," Frost said, "Dr. Higgins was working on other cases. We originally gave the cases to one of his assistants. However, when we made the link that it was all the work of a serial killer, we urged him to look over each body."

"What did you find, Dr. Higgins," Rossi asked, trying not to stray too far away from their objective.

"Cuts," he answered. He lifted Elizabeth's head and pointed to a series of cuts on the back of her ear. "The same pattern was found behind the left ear of each victim."

Prentiss squinted. "Lines."

"That's what I thought, too," Higgins mused, "But none of us could figure out the relevance of it."

"Why weren't we notified of this sooner," Rossi asked, trying hard to hide his irritation.

"Because Doc just finished examining the last body yesterday," Frost answered, "We wanted to be absolutely sure that it was part of this guy's pattern before we gave it consideration. Any thoughts?"

Rossi paused for a few seconds, thought about what the cuts could stand for. "No, it could be a number of things. The significance of it could lead to our killer, though, so we'll have to continue to look into it."

"If we could have some pictures of those cuts..."

"Certainly," Higgins said, grabbing some photographs from his desk and handing them to the detective. Frost took them, then shook the coroner's hand.

"Thank you, Doc. I'll be in touch with you if we need you for anything else."

"My pleasure," he said, the smile returning, "And good luck!"

* * *

"Please, have a seat," Joe Harrison said, pointing to some chairs in the kitchen. He opened up his fridge and grabbed a can of cola. "Can I offer you one?"

"No thank you," Hotch said, "We'd like to talk to you about your wife."

"I've already answered all of the questions that the police asked," he said, "I really don't know what else I can do for you."

"We need some information on Natasha herself," Morgan explained, "The better we know her, the easier it will be to find her killer."

"Ok. Go ahead."

"Your wife owned a floral store in the city, correct?"

"Yes. She always loved flowers. Different colors, different scents, they made her happy."

"And she closed the shop down after you adopted your son?"

"Yes. She wanted to be home with him. She was a good mother."

"Do you know of anyone that would want to hurt your wife?"

"No," Harrison said firmly, "Not at all. Natasha was a great woman. Everyone loved her. I don't know anyone that would have done this to her. She didn't deserve this."

"No one deserves this, Mr. Harrison," Hotch said. He paused. The next question was typically the hardest.

"How would you describe your relationship with your wife?"

"What the hell does that have to do with catching her killer?"

"Like Agent Morgan said, the more we know about her, the better chance we have of catching her killer."

"It sounds like you are more interested in investigating her than the guy that killed her," Harrison countered, his eyes burning angrily. Sullivan stepped in, compassion showing in all of her facial features.

"Please, Mr. Harrison," she said, "I know this hard, but we are committed to finding Natasha's killer. I know you think this is a waste of time, that we should be doing other things, but every detail we can gather will help us to catch this bastard. I know you are angry and upset, but please help us."

Harrison thought for a second, then took a deep breath.

"Ok. Natasha and I had a strong relationship. We had been married for five years, but we went through a lot in that time. We decided after two years that we wanted to try to have a child. Unfortunately, we learned that Natasha couldn't get pregnant. It was hard, she was depressed for months. But then we decided to adopt. Brian was a blessing to us both. Natasha held him in her arms and we knew right then and there that he was meant for us. He was just a couple months old at the time. Natasha smiled for the first time in ages." He choked up a bit, but fought to continue.

"All of struggles we went through made us stronger, and it made us enjoy having Brian that much more. We were closer than some couples that had been together for decades. I loved my wife, I still love my wife, and I'll always love my wife."

Harrison sat back in his chair as tears started to trickle down his face. He was exhausted and grieving. All of it was just too much to handle. What would happen to Brian? The kid was only two, he still needed his mother. He looked to Hotch, almost pleadingly.

"Any more questions?"

"No. I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Harrison. Thank you for your help." The three got up to leave, but then Hotch turned back. He looked Harrison right in the eyes.

"We're going to find this guy," he said, "We won't give up until he pays for what he did."

Harrison nodded with a sigh, and the group left him to contemplate everything.

* * *

Reid placed two plates on the table and took a seat. On one plate was a ham sandwich for JJ, on the other was a roast beef sandwich for himself. He handed her a can of Pepsi, opening up his own can of Mountain Dew and taking a big gulp. JJ looked up at him and flashed him a shy smile.

"Thanks," she said quietly.

"You're welcome," he said, taking a bite of his sandwich. As if she didn't feel bad enough already, this only made things worse. He should be being a jerk to her right now, but instead he was still treating her kindly. She didn't have a choice any more, an apology had to be made.

"Um, I'm sorry. You were just trying to help and I bit your head off. You didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry."

"It's ok," Reid said, "I just want to know why. What's wrong?"

JJ let out a deep sigh. She couldn't tell him. God, it would be so much easier if she could, but she couldn't tell any of them.

"I really do want to tell you," she said, "but I can't right now. I have to deal with this on my own."

"If there is anything I can do to help," Reid said, desperately wanting to do something to make his friend feel a little better.

"Actually," she began, "there is. If you can give me some space, that'll help. Treat me like you usually do. Everyone is acting like there's something wrong with me, and it's kind of freaking me out. I just need a little time to figure things out."

Reid nodded. "You've got it. But if you change your mind and want to talk, I'm right here for you."

JJ's smiled a little wider. After all she put him through earlier, he was still as loyal as a German Shepherd.

"Thanks," she said, taking a bite of her sandwich, "And thanks for the food, too. I was starving!"

"I know," Reid agreed with a grin, "Wonder when they'll be getting back!"

"Soon, I hope," she said, though she secretly didn't want to see any of them right then. Not until she locked her demons back in a cage. She knew that was a useless wish, though. The team was bound to come back any time now, and her troubles weren't going to disappear without a long fight.


	14. Chapter 9

**AN: The case is starting to take off, so I may be able to finish Part I pretty soon. Thanks for all the reviews! You guys are all awesome, and I really appreciate all the support! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground. **

The team had returned to the police department and discussed their findings for about fifteen minutes. Hotch turned to Sullivan, who had been listening attentively.

"We're ready to give the profile," he said, "If you could grab your men."

"We've only got me and Frosty here," she replied, smirking a bit at the lack of help from the department. Frost rolled his eyes and wished that his partner would come up with a better moniker for him.

"Alright then," Hotch said, "Let's get started. We are looking for a sexual sadist. This type of Unsub enjoys inflicting as much pain as possible on the victims. The rape isn't enough for him. He wants to make it as excruciating as possible. The strangulation of the victims serves the same purpose. The Unsub gets pleasure from feeling the breath leave each of their bodies for the last time. We've seen worse cases of sadism, but this Unsub definitely still fits the bill and profiles the same way."

"Worse cases," Frost asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Trust me," Morgan picked up, "You don't want to know. This guy is very particular about everything. The victim has to be perfect. She has to be exactly what he's looking for. Hair color, age, race, social class, everything. But unlike many killers, this guy doesn't seem to care where he kills the victims or dumps them. He doesn't operate in a comfort zone."

"And that's unusual," Sullivan questioned.

"Yes," Emily responded, "Very unusual. Most Unsubs work within a certain area, a comfort zone. When you take them out of their comfort zone, they tend to get shaky and make mistakes. A comfort zone makes the Unsub easier to find, because it narrows down the area to search for him."

"This Unsub is very smart," Rossi said, "Operating throughout the city makes him much more difficult to track down. He leaves DNA because of the rape, but he is very, very cautious not to leave anything else. He probably has a criminal record. It's probably something minor, a misdemeanor. Maybe something like a peeping tom. Something that wouldn't require an officer to take a DNA sample. He kills these women and dumps them without attracting any attention. This guy isn't very flashy at all. He drives an average car, he has an average look to him. He does all of this intentionally to avoid drawing attention. The longer people don't notice him, the longer he can do this and continue to fulfill his need to inflict suffering on these women."

"You mentioned a criminal record," Sullivan said, "What about a juvenile record?"

JJ's face fell a bit at Sullivan's words. Hotch noticed, but now wasn't the time to bring it up. He was going to figure out what the hell was wrong with her, but they had to solve the case first. Rossi continued.

"It's very possible. In fact, that would make it even harder to find him."

"Our Unsub is most likely white," Reid stated, "Sexual sadist rarely ever victimize people of a different race. His age is probably also close to that of his victims. Late twenties, early thirties."

"Ok, that's it," Hotch said, "JJ, if you'd call Garcia. We need her to start looking into misdemeanors in the last decade or two. Narrow it down to non-violent offenses in the Seattle area," JJ didn't look up. She was trance-like.

"JJ," he repeated.

"Hm... Oh, yes, sir. Right away." JJ walked to the other side of the room, pulling out her phone. Sullivan turned to Hotch, concern starting to show in her eyes.

"Is she ok?"

Hotch sighed. "I don't know. I'm trying to figure that out."

"One of the guys here told me that she went off on Reid while we were gone."

A pause. "I'll talk to her. If you and Frost could be patient with her, I'd really appreciate it. She usually isn't like this, but something is going on."

"I understand. We're fine, we won't bother her."

"Thank you." Hotch glanced over to JJ, who was pulling the phone to her ear. "We need to get back to work."

"Yeah," Sullivan agreed. They turned to the team and started planning their next move.


	15. Thoughts 6

**AN: Been a while since we've taken a look inside JJ's head, but now's a good time! This is probably one of the most important chapters to the plot so far.**

_It's all starting to connect. Seattle, the brunette women, one child each, rape, juvenile records... It all points to one person. But it can't be. This can't be right. He wouldn't... couldn't! I refuse to believe it..._

_"Hi, my beautiful blonde buddy!"_

_"Hey Garci. Need you to work some magic."_

_Oh please, don't let me sound too tired. The last thing I need is Garcia worrying about me. _

_"You've come to the right place, honey! How can I be of service?"_

_"I need you to look into misdemeanors in the Seattle area. Narrow it down to non-violent offenses, especially those of a sexual nature. Also, narrow it down to the last fifteen years. Don't exclude any juvenile records you run across. Call Hotch or Rossi when you've found something."_

_"On it like white on rice, sweetie! Anything else?"_

_"Nope, that'll be it. Later Garcia!"_

_"Hasta la vista señorita!"_

_Click. I let out a long sigh of relief. She may have had a tad too much coffee this morning, but she didn't suspect anything. Thank God for that! Garcia's my best friend, the last thing that I want her to do is worry about me. Or worse... find out about my secrets._

_That voice inside my head that keeps telling me that this case isn't going to end will won't shut up. It keeps telling me to run like hell, but I keep fighting it. How much longer can I fight, though? Hotch is slowly wearing me down, and Rossi and Emily know something is up. Hell, even Spence knows, and the only reason why Morgan doesn't is that I haven't spoke to him much. Who knows what the others have told him? _

_I glance over at the photos on the bulletin board again. The sneaking suspicions that I had earlier creep back into my brain. I shove them out before they can invade. He didn't do it. I don't even know if he lives in Seattle anymore. There's no reason to assume that this Unsub is different than any other Unsub. Just solve the case and go home. Everything will return to normal if you do that... But if he did do it, then my life as Jennifer Jareau is all but over..._


	16. Chapter 10

**AN: A little update here. Going to cover a few things. Don't know if it will be the only chapter I'll write tonight, I'll have to see. Thanks for the reviews, you all are so kind and supportive! *DISCLAIMER* I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground (or anything, for that matter). **

Brrrrring! Brrrrring!

"Hello," Detective Sullivan said as she answered her phone, "Yes... Shit... Where is it? ...Ok... If you would start marking off the scene before we get there... Thank you." Click. Sullivan looked at the team, her face much paler than usual.

"They've found another body," she said, "It was dumped in an alley way outside of the Mocha Café."

"Take my team," Hotch said, "I'll stay back. I have something to take care of."

The team looked confused, but Sullivan nodded her understanding. They all started filing out of the building, but Hotch grabbed JJ by the arm before she could leave.

"Hey," she exclaimed, snatching her arm back. Hotch found her aggressive behavior strange, made a note of it.

"We need to talk," he said.

"You heard Sullivan, right? There's another body. Don't you think that's more important?"

"Under normal circumstances, yes. But when a colleague of mine has a problem, no."

JJ looked him in the eye. She didn't cower, didn't look intimidated at all. There was a fire in her eyes, but she wasn't giving away anything. _Not good,_ Hotch thought.

"I don't have a problem," she said. She was calm. Incredibly calm. Hotch couldn't figure it out, it was as if nothing had happened. But he knew something was wrong, and he wasn't just going to let it slide this time.

"Oh really," he asked, slight irritation in his voice, "No problem at all? Is that why you snapped at Reid earlier today?" JJ cut him off before he could continue.

"He told you," she asked, surprised.

"No. He didn't tell me anything. Sullivan did. An officer overheard what was going on and let her know."

JJ paused. Then she took a step back and turned, pinching the bridge of her nose. _She's stressed, _Hotch thought. He knew his friend. He noticed the little habits that she had. When she was stressed or frustrated, she pinched her nose, right between the eyebrows. It was just how she was.

"JJ," he said softly. She didn't budge, but he continued to speak anyway. "You can talk to me. What is it?"

Silence.

"Dammit, JJ, talk to me!" _Smooth move, Agent Hotchner, _he thought to himself. JJ turned, a thin smile on her face.

"I'm fine, Hotch," she said, "So are we going to work on this case, or are we going to continue chasing problems that don't exist?" With that, she walked past him and to the bulletin board.

Hotch sighed. He blew it by losing his cool. He opened up a door for her to escape, and she did just that. He wouldn't give up, though. Not on her. He walked up to her right side and studied the photos again. What was it about this case? And how much longer was she going to let it bother her before she let it out? He felt a little sick at the thought of how stubborn JJ could be. What if she never came out with it, even though she clearly needed help? What would happen to her?


	17. Chapter 11

**AN: Ok, so I don't want to write this chapter because I have a feeling that it is going to be boring and that I may be losing some interest by having the case go too long, but at the same time I promised myself not to cut corners like I have done with previous fics. Hopefully this chapter will turn out better than my expectations for it (though considering that it is 2:40 in the morning and I'm just starting, I'd say that hope is a tad slim). Thanks so much for all the reviews and everyone that is still reading this! 55 reviews is quite a bit, makes me feel like I'm actually doing a good job with this one, so thanks for the confidence boost! This chapter picks up right where we left off with Chapter 10 (sorry for the sort of long wait, by the way), with the team discovering the new body. Warning, there is a little language in this chapter. Nothing too bad, in my opinion, I'm just trying to show how frustrating the case is getting for them. As always, I own neither of the shows and all mistakes are my own.**

"Check behind her left ear," Rossi suggested, looking down at the body in the alley.

"My thoughts exactly," Frost agreed, bending down to check for cuts. As he pulled away a few strands of hair, it was evident that this was indeed the work of their serial killer.

"Son of a bitch," Sullivan shouted, kicking a nearby garbage can.

"Detective..."

"I'm tired of being three steps behind this bastard! If you're trying to say that you don't feel the same way, then you're lying!"

"We're all frustrated," Morgan said, stepping up closer to Sullivan, "But the more we let this guy get to us, the harder it's going to be to catch him. So take a few deep breaths and let's refocus. Trust me, you'll get your chance to grill this guy in the interrogation room, but now isn't the time."

Sullivan took a deep breath. Then she looked up and nodded that she was ready to go.

"Alright," Frost said, looking over to Dr. Higgins, "The body is all yours. Let us know if you find out anything different from what we know."

"Will do."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, the two detectives and the team filed into the police station.

"Find anything helpful," Hotch asked, but he already knew the answer just by studying their faces.

"She appears to be the same as the others," Rossi answered.

"I think we are looking at this wrong," Prentiss said as everyone sat down.

"How so," Hotch asked.

"We should be looking for a stressor. I mean, sure, this guy is smart, but he isn't all that different from any other Unsub that we've looked for. Find the stressor, we find our guy."

"I think the cuts on the ear probably have to do with that in some way," Rossi picked up, "He makes sure to leave twelve lines on each girl's ear. It seems to be almost ritualistic, he has to do it."

"If I was this killer," Morgan said, "Why would I rape them, and yet be careful with every other part of the crime? Rape is a bit messy, so why be so clean with everything else? I can only think of one reason."

Hotch was on the same page and spoke up.

"If he was doing the rape as an exact revenge," he said, "Something that would make it just as necessary as the twelve cuts. The rape is connected to his past, his stressor. The twelve cuts would also be connected, though the number is probably a detail that we may not know until we catch him."

"If he was abused as a child," Reid said, "It could definitely lead to juvenile delinquency."

Hotch nodded. "JJ, call Garcia again. Have her narrow the search to former delinquents who may have a history of sexual abuse. Tell her to dig deep on this one."

"On it."

He looked at the clock. It was already past midnight.

"I think everyone should head out and get at least a few hours of sleep," he suggested, turning towards Sullivan, "Tomorrow is going to be a long day."

"Ok," she agreed, "Meet here at seven?"

"Works for me."

JJ hung up, nodded to Hotch to let him know that Garcia got the message, and everyone left to grab at what little shut-eye they could get.


	18. Thoughts 7

**AN: Yup, that's right, another session of "Thoughts" with our favorite media liaison. JJ is dreaming/having a nightmare to start off this chapter, so I'll put those parts in bold as well as the usual italics. Also, I absolutely suck at writing romance/mushy stuff, so if the beginning of her dream (first few paragraphs) sucks, please forgive me! Again, a little bit of language, so sorry if it offends you. For those who are waiting for JJ's secrets to be revealed, all I can do is ask for patience. It will come, but this is a rather in-depth storyline and it just isn't time for her to talk yet. As always, thanks for the reviews! You guys all rock! As always, it is 3 o'clock and I'm typing instead of sleeping. And, as always, I don't own either show.**

* * *

_**They lay on the ground together, looking up at the stars. Her blonde hair drapes around his arms as he holds her. The warmth that she feels beside him is more intense than anything that she has ever felt. As far as she is concerned, they can lay there together forever.**_

_**He looks into her blue eyes. He looks at her like no one else. He doesn't just look at her with respect, which is something that she gets from way too few, but he looks at her lovingly. Love. It hadn't been a word that she knew the meaning of. Not until now. He whispers in her ear and she smiles. God, she loved this man. She could spend the rest of her life with this man. She would spend the rest of her life with this man...**_

_**But then everything changes. Clouds rush in, covering all the stars. Thunder rumbles like the hooves of a thousand horses. In the distance, lightning strikes with blinding force. Things go from dry to a torrential downpour in a matter of seconds. **_

_**They get up and start running through the woods. He is getting too far ahead, so she reaches out for his shirt. She grabs the tail of it and tries to drag herself closer. He is her protector; she feels as though she would die without him. But something has changed. He turns on her and shoves her away. **_

_**"Get away from me," he screeches over the howling wind, "Leave me alone!" **_

_**"Wait!"**_

_**"No! You're a skank! You're a two-bit whore! Get away from me, I never want to see you again!"**_

_**Tears spring to her eyes as she slows and he takes off, disappearing into the shadows. The storm seems to be closing in on her now, as if the sky is falling. The thunder getting ever closer to where she is.**_

_**CRRRAAASSSH!!!**_

_I wake up with a jolt. Heavy breathing, sweaty forehead, the whole nine yards. I notice Emily, who is standing about a foot from me. I meet her concerned face with wide eyes._

_"JJ," she says, "JJ, relax. It was a dream, just a dream. Breathe."_

_I take a few deep breaths, calming myself down. _

_"You ok?"_

_My answer barely reaches a whisper._

_"Yeah... yeah, I'm ok. Just a nightmare, right?"_

_I look at the alarm clock on the table. 5:30. At least it was perfect timing. I get up and walk to the bathroom. _

_"Wait, Jayje!"_

_Damn it! I was hoping that she wouldn't do this to me, not right now. I turn to face her._

_"Yeah?"_

_"You wanna' talk?"_

_"It was nothing," I say with a sigh, "Just a bad dream about an old boyfriend."_

_"Oh," she says with a rise of the brow, "Been there... It wasn't the one that washed his car more than his hair, was it?"_

_The sudden change-up of humor makes me laugh. Emily's good like that. Maybe talking to her won't be too bad._

_"No," I finally reply, shaking my head, "Not him."_

_"Seriously, though, are you going to be ok?"_

_I give her a reassuring smile._

_"Yeah, I'll be ok."_

_"I won't press, but if you want to talk..."_

_"I'll know where to find you. Thank you, Emily." I pause for effect, then continue. "We've gotta' get ready now. Wouldn't want Hotch waiting on us."_

_"Right. I don't want to start the morning with him glaring at us."_

_She winks and I chuckle as I make my way into the bathroom to get ready. Maybe today will be a little better..._


	19. Chapter 12

**AN: Sorry for the long wait, but life got in the way. Thanks to all that are still reading this and those who have reviewed! Please continue to review, it lets me know that you are still interested and gives me an idea of how I'm doing. The case should be getting close to coming to a close, and then we get to the good stuff. As always, I do not own Criminal Minds and all mistakes are my own. I also do not own the Seattle Seahawks, an NFL team that will be mentioned in this chapter.**

Sullivan, Frost, and the team had been in the conference room for thirty minutes, looking at the bulletin board and hoping that a clue would fall from the sky. The phone on the table rang instead. Morgan picked it up on the second ring.

"Hey, baby girl. I'm putting you on speaker."

With everyone listening, Garcia began her routine of show-and-tell.

"I've got a list of ten guys in Seattle, and I'll tell you that some of them are kind of kooky."

"Any of them have a stressor within the last few months," Hotch asked.

"There's one obvious one."

"Tell us all about him."

"'Kay. His name is Scott Barringer. His parents got a divorce when he was a kid, and he lived with his dad. His dad married his second wife, a woman named Elaine, when Scott was 15. Elaine allegedly abused Scott sexually, but nothing was done about it. He has some drug-related charges and apparently was sent to a high school for struggling teens named Mt. Horizon. After that, things seemed to be going pretty normal until recently."

"What happened recently," Emily asked.

"A few years ago, he was signed by the Seattle Seahawks as a wide receiver. Apparently he had played football in high school for a while. Last month, the Seahawks released him, which I guess is kind of like being fired in the football world. His wife divorced him weeks later and has been trying to get all the money she can get."

"Got an address," Rossi asked.

"He's living in the West Side Apartment," she answered, "Room 138."

"Great work, Garcia," Hotch said, "Thanks."

"No problem, Sir Hotchness," she exclaimed cheerfully, "Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go grab myself a humongous cup of coffee. Cheerio!"

Hotch looked around the table. Almost everyone seemed excited to be so close to ending this case. JJ, on the other hand, looked wounded. She was pinching the bridge of her nose with brow furrowed, and her eyes were distant.

"Ok," Hotch said, "Let's see if he is at his apartment. Rossi, Reid, I'd like you to come with me. Morgan, I'd like you to drive with Emily and JJ. Get ready and let's be out of here in a few minutes."

With that, the team sprang into action. Everyone put on their Kevlar vests and headed out to their vehicles. As far as they were concerned, the killing ended today.


	20. Thoughts 8

**AN: Time for a little excitement. This will be another introspective "Thoughts" chapter, but it will be a little longer and more action-packed than usual. I'm really excited to write these next few chapters, I've been waiting a while to get to this point in the story! Thank you for the reviews, and please, keep sending me more feedback! It really helps me as a writer, I like to know what all of my readers think. Same disclaimer as usual, I own neither show and all mistakes are my own.**

_This can't be happening. God, please don't let this be happening. Scott... No, Scott wouldn't do this. Scott couldn't do this. But... But all the evidence is stacking up against him. I refuse to believe my worst fears. I refuse to believe that he broke down, that he did this. If he can break down like this, then what does that say about me? The SUV comes to a halt and we pile out._

_"You three," Hotch says, referring to us, "Cover that back alley. Rossi, Reid, and I will check the room for Barringer. Sullivan and Frost, stay by the front entrance in case he tries to escape through there."_

_"Do you think he'll run," Sullivan questions._

_"If he still feels the need for revenge, then yes, I do."_

_Everyone moves to their positions as Hotch and friends make their way up to Room 138. We wait a few minutes in the alley, and then it happens. A guy exits the room through a window and starts climbing down the fire escape. Hotch is on his heels and Rossi and Reid aren't far behind. Emily and I draw our guns._

_"Freeze," I hear her shout. He doesn't, but I do. I recognize him, the blonde hair, the athletic body, the same scared expression he had all those years ago. No doubt it's Scott, and I couldn't shoot him if I tried. So I freeze. My feet bolt to the ground and my trigger finger becomes about as stiff as the concrete below us. _

_"Freeze or I'll shoot," Emily shouts again, but he keeps running, coming ever closer. Until he sees me. He glances at me and seems shocked. He stops in his tracks and becomes still as a statue. He studies my face as I pray that he doesn't put the pieces together. If he does, my secret's out and I can kiss my life good-bye. He begins to mouth something to himself when Morgan comes out of nowhere and tackles him to the ground, flipping him over and cuffing him. I'm sure that Morgan is telling him his rights as he picks him up, but I don't even hear him. _

_"JJ." It's a faint call in the distance. I don't know who is saying it, where it's coming from. I still can't move._

_"JJ!" I snap back into reality. Emily is tugging at my shoulder, looking at me with concern. She's put her gun back in the holster, but mine is still out. _

_"JJ, are you ok?"_

_"Yeah," I say, breathlessly, "Yeah, I'm fine."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_I shrug her hand off my shoulder. "Nothing, nothing at all."_

_Scott stares at me as he passes by. He doesn't even blink, but he's silent. Morgan hands him over to Frost, who gruffly shoves him towards his Charger. I make my way to the SUV swiftly, keeping my head down and not saying a word. I climb in the back and shut the door before anyone tries to talk to me. Morgan gets in the driver's seat a few seconds later, Emily in the passenger seat. She seems to understand that I don't want to talk because she doesn't even look back. Morgan either doesn't know what happened or doesn't want to bring it up. I hope it is the former, I really don't need him worrying about me, too. He puts the SUV in drive and peels out._

_My neck itches as I ride. I reach up to scratch it and remember that I wore my horseshoe necklace for good luck today. So much for that. I undo the clasp and place it in my pants pocket. Morgan and Emily continue to look straight ahead. They are making small talk about something, but I haven't been paying attention. I fumble with the necklace in my pocket for a second... and then a plan starts to form in my head. A plan to get away from all of this. A plan to escape before my secret is revealed. A plan to run._

**AN: It didn't come out exactly how I thought it did, but I hope it makes a little sense. The plan will be revealed shortly (next update or two). I'll remind you that the prologue (the first Thoughts chapter) mentioned that she would run if she thought they were getting too close. **


	21. Chapter 13

**AN: Going to try to write two updates and maybe bring this fic (or at least this part) to a close before going to bed, but we'll see. There will be a second part to this fanfic, but I don't know if I'm going to write the second part immediately or if I'm going to just end this one on a cliff-hanger and finish up Lost Files before coming back to it (if anyone has any thoughts on that, feel free to share). Thanks for the reviews, each one is much appreciated! My usual disclaimers still apply, nothing has changed. *EDITED: I forgot to add the quote that I meant to put at the end of this chapter, so I'm going to go ahead and add that in* **

Rossi opened the door and stepped into the interrogation room with Prentiss on his heels. It had taken quite a bit of convincing to have Sullivan observe the interrogation instead of participating, but she eventually agreed that they knew more about Scott Barringer than she could ever hope to know. Prentiss took a seat and placed a few files on the table, Rossi stood to her left side with arms folded. Scott seemed to be studying the glass behind the two agents, but the only thing that stared back at him was a reflection of himself.

"Scott Barringer," Prentiss began. Scott's gaze did not avert from the glass. Prentiss opened the file and continued talking.

"Not in the mood to talk? Alright then, I'll talk. I've got five photos here, each one of a different woman."

She pulled the pictures out, one by one.

"Elizabeth McPherson... Susan Moore... Destiny Keane... Natasha Harrison... and Katie Gerald..."

Rossi came across the table and hovered over Scott.

"You don't even know their names, though, do you? You don't know anything about them, do you? Was it that they were brunette? Or was it that they were all mothers? You got mommy issues, Scott? Huh? Is that it?"

"Dave," Prentiss warned.

"You don't know anything," Scott said venomously, but his eyes were still glued to the glass.

"You see, that's where you are wrong. We know that you are a football player for the Seattle Seahawks. Well, you _were_ a player for them, anyway. But then you got released..."

"Your wife was a gold-digger," Rossi picked up, "As soon as she heard you got canned, she took the money and ran with it."

"So," Scott said with a shrug, "Plenty of guys have been released from the NFL. Plenty of guys have gotten divorces. That your only evidence?"

"Oh no," Emily said, "We're just getting started here, Scott. You see, we know that your parents got a divorced when you were a kid. You lived with your dad. Dad got lonely after a while, though, needed a companion. He met a younger girl, her name was Elaine. Well, your dad was rather fond of this girl, so he married her. See, the thing is that you were about 15 at the time. Football star at the high school, young woman as a step-mom. Somewhere along the way, something happens. She... does things to you? Is that what happened, Scott?"

Scott's attention had snapped to Emily as soon as the name "Elaine" was mentioned, and hadn't moved. He mumbled something, but it was inaudible.

* * *

Meanwhile, JJ approached Morgan beside the coffee maker in the conference room. Hotch was in the observation room with Sullivan, Frost, and Reid, making this the perfect time to make her move.

"Morgan," she said, "I, um... Sorry, this is kind of embarrassing, but I left my necklace in the car and I was wondering if I could borrow the keys?"

"You sure you didn't put it in your pocket or just forgot to wear it or anything," he asked, a quizzical look on his face.

"Yeah, I'm sure," she said, "I placed it on the seat right beside me and forgot to pick it up. Can I just have the keys? It'll only take a second to grab it, and then I'll bring them right back to you."

Morgan nodded, reaching for the keys in his pocket and handing them to JJ. She walked outside and he made his way to the already crowded observation room with the mug of coffee in hand.

* * *

"What was that, Scott," Emily asked, leaning in, "You'll have to speak up."

"I want to talk to Shelby," he said.

Emily and Rossi shared a confused glance before she redirected her attention at Scott.

"Shelby," she asked.

"You work with her," he said, "The blonde that you were with at my apartment. It took me a second, but I would recognize her anywhere. I want to talk to Shelby."

"Um," Rossi said, "I'm sorry, but the blonde agent's name is not Shelby."

"I know Shelby Merrick when I see her," Scott shouted, "And that was her!"

"Calm down," Rossi said.

"No! I'm not going to calm down until you let me talk to Shelby!"

"I don't know a Shelby Merrick," Rossi said, voice raising, "Now calm down!"

"In that case," Scott said, "I want a lawyer."

* * *

Hotch looked over to Morgan, who was just entering the room.

"Was JJ out there?"

"Yes sir," Morgan answered, "She told me that she left her necklace in the car, so I gave her my keys. Why?"

_Shit,_ Hotch thought, quickly leaving the room without an explanation. After sharing baffled looks, the other four in the room followed. Hotch opened the door and walked out into the rain. He looked back and forth for any sign of the SUV, but it was gone. Jennifer Jareau was gone.

_"I cherished hope, it is true, but it vanished when my person reflected..." ~Mary Shelley_


	22. Thoughts 9

**AN: I've decided to end this fic (rather this part) with another introspective chapter. I expect that Part II will be mostly introspective from JJ's point of view, so I hope everyone has been enjoying these "Thoughts" chapters. *DISCLAIMER* I borrow a few lyrics from the song "Refugee" in this chapter. I did not write the lyrics and do not own the rights to it. The song was written by Tom Petty and Mike Campbell of Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers (who absolutely rock), and was featured on their album **_**Damn the Torpedoes.**_** Also, as always, I do not own Criminal Minds or Higher Ground. **

_Water slicks off the Goodyear tires as I speed down the highway, but I don't care. I could hydroplane right now, completely lose control, and it would mean nothing to me. Death doesn't seem so bad anymore. Hell, I'm kind of hoping for it at this point. The team... They were my family. Chalk this up as the third time that my family has been snatched away from me. All because of him, all because of what he did..._

_Perhaps I'm not meant to be happy. Perhaps I'm not meant to be loved. Perhaps God's plan is for me to forever roam the world alone and miserable. What other explanation could there be for losing a life that I worked so hard to build not once, not twice, but three times? I try not to think about it as I drive on. I clear my mind and focus on two things: the road and the voices coming from the radio..._

Somewhere, somehow, somebody must have kicked you around some

Tell me why you will lay there, revel in your abandon

Honey, it don't make no difference to me baby

Everybody has to fight to be free, you see

You don't have to live like a refugee...

_I immediately turn the radio off. Nothing against Petty, but that song has always hit a little too close to home. How could a man that doesn't even know me write a song that is so close to my situation when a room full of profilers can't even figure me out? _

_I shake my head. Forget about them. They are gone, they don't exist anymore. Lying to myself worked before, so why not try it again? They'll forget about me, and I should forget about them. They're probably better off without me dragging them down anyway..._

_Garcia would make a new best friend. She had that bubbly sort of persona that made making friends so easy for her. Maybe her and Morgan's bond would become even tighter. Morgan... Never did become all that close to him. Or at least I never thought I had. We had always butted heads, but deep down the guy had been like a brother to me. He had always pushed me, trying to get me to do better. He had always made getting along with Elle, Garcia, or Emily look so much easier. Emily... Emily had always been so good to me. So good to all of us, actually. I never really did anything to help her when she was down, pick her up, but she had always been there for me. And then there was Rossi, the "loner." As if anyone bought that anymore. He had a strange way of showing it, but he cared about each of us. Spence... Poor Spence. So I was a little freaked out when he was crushing on me long ago, but he was a sweet kid and a little bro to me. And Hotch... Hell, Hotch probably understood me better than any of them. He was so good with me, always knew what to say..._

_Hot tears run silently down my cheeks as I wonder how I'm supposed to forget these people. How can one ever truly forget their family? But I drive on, because there is no turning back now... _

**AN: So that's the end of "Secrets." Again, there will be a Part II. I'll probably title Part II "Exposed," but I'll let you know if I decide to go with something else. Like I mentioned in the prologue's author note, this part was meant to be very CM-centered, whereas Part II will focus a lot on Higher Ground and JJ's/Shelby's past.**


End file.
